Are there universal signs that someone is cheating? Psychological signs of infidelity Responses to inquiry Mood swings Unaffected Constant focus on the expectations they have of their partner Accusations of your cheating.
Wondering if you are being cheated on can take a toll on your health, your moods, your relationships, and your mental well-being. It can be a torturous game that destroys a person.
Statistics brain says 57% of men and 54% of women admit to having have been unfaithful. That means there is a good chance you will get cheated on. It is no wonder then, that it is a genuine worry amongst people.
Are there universal signs that someone is cheating?
We all ask ourselves this because we want to know if there are a bulletproof means of detection that allow us to know when we are being cheated on.
Unfortunately, the answer is that there isn’t.
There is no absolute way, taking into account the diversity in human nature from one to the next, and the unique circumstances in which infidelity occurs, to know if we are being cheated on.
In fact, unless you find undeniable proof, (and sometimes even then) it is merely conjecture and accusations.
Beyondaffairs puts it well:
“Fact #1 – YOUR PARTNER COULD BE EXHIBITING ALL OF THE SIGNS OF INFIDELITY AND STILL NOT BE HAVING AN AFFAIR.”
“Fact #2 – YOUR PARTNER COULD BE EXHIBITING NONE OF THE SIGNS BELOW AND STILL BE ENGAGED IN AN AFFAIR.”
People tend to consider unfaithfulness from their partner as a testament to their own inadequacy. “why would he go looking for something else when he has me?” “what is he giving her that I am not?”
This easily becomes insecurity and sometimes an obsession. When you go hunting for clues, you will usually find them. Whether they mean what you think or not, is another question
“If you trust your spouse, you’re likely to overlook obvious signs of infidelity. But, if you’re suspicious, you are more likely to notice signs of cheating everywhere “
Plenty of couples have had a serial cheater who has never been caught, and plenty of relationships have come to a bitter end as a result of the discovery.
This is only a guide, you know your spouse or significant other best of all. Some say trust your instinct, but that may just confirm your bias. The best way is to look at your partner. Are they behaving differently? Can you tell that something has changed with no other explanation? Consider all that in combination with the following, but don’t use this as surefire proof that you are being stepped out on.
Psychological signs of infidelity
Responses to inquiry
How someone responds to questions can be a good indicator of the truth. There are various responses that may show guilt.
Angry or defensive response:
When someone responds in an angry way, (provided the question was posed in a non-combative manner) it shows that they were ready to react. They were on the defensive so they could be hiding something. The thought process is simply that if someone has nothing to hide, they would not feel the need to stand in the offensive, ready to wage war.
For example, say you ask your spouse why he has been coming home late lately. He responds angrily. “why are you even asking? I told you already, I am working!”
When we are asked questions we don’t want to lie, which we will have to if we answer, so we tend to simply avoid it altogether. Your significant other may be so natural at this that you don’t even notice. Ask a few times in different settings to see if the question really is being avoided.
Say you ask her about a day last week when she didn’t answer her phone. She says “last week? When? Really? Oh babe, did you check the kid’s homework?” She may really not remember, but if she does this every time you inquire as to something out of the ordinary, then you are likely being cheated on.
This is the worst because it is not easy to detect. A master manipulator easily turns things on you so that you feel you are in the wrong.
You ask him why there is a girl messaging him. “she is a co-worker. you see, you don’t trust me. How are we supposed to have a relationship if you don’t trust me?”
To shift blame further away or to try even the playing field so that there are fewer questions, your SO may suddenly start encouraging you to have more time with your friends where they didn’t before.
The thing about guilt is that it wears down on a person. For whatever reason they cheat, it will affect them mentally. Which means their moods will change.
Here are some of the moods you can expect to see:
- Excitement about life
- Bursts of energy
All these and more show a preoccupation with something else. That something could easily be a someone. Remember that the mood swings go from extremely positive to extremely negative.
If your partner is suddenly unaffected by things that used to bother them before, it may mean they are being unfaithful. The reasoning is this; it may be caused by the relationship losing meaning to them. We are more emotional when we care, and so a lack of one may mean the death of the other.
“They stop hurting and stop caring, and all of a sudden, the major issues you had in the past seem to be irrelevant”
For example, she no longer looks for you when you are come home late, while she used to. This shows she doesn’t really care anymore whether you come or not.
This could also show itself in that they no longer share as much with you. They talk less about their daily struggles and confide in you less. Either because they can confide in the new person or because they are creating emotional distance to limit their guilt.
Constant focus on the expectations they have of their partner
That may sound complicated but it isn’t. It simply means that the cheater, now having have found something they don’t get from their significant other, will make it a point to focus on the things they expected from their SO that they are no longer getting.
“This can look like someone who is controlling, degrading, insulting”
Imagine a man meets a woman outside his marriage that is everything he doesn’t find at home. Now when he looks at his wife, he sees all the ways in which she is not that. She is not exciting, she is not loving, she does not make him feel like a man.
He begins to tell her these things as a justification or vindication of himself for his behavior.
- He will pick fights over little things that he hadn’t mentioned before, he will make snide comments or “I wish…” statements.
Eg. “I wish you would dress better. You always look like you are wearing the last of the clean laundry.”
- These then turn into arguments during which he always asks for a break or a breakup.
e.g. “I don’t know if we should be together anymore.” To which you respond by asking to talk about “things” and work on improving yourself.
Accusations of your cheating
If your SO is suddenly accusing you of cheating, it’s probably because they are. It could be fear that you would do the same to them, a search for absolution (“she’s doing it anyway) or simply a tactic to prevent you from looking too closely.
Whatever it may be, psychological games are the worst, because they are harder to detect. However, they are also the best, because people can’t always control how they react and what they do in certain situations, which means one can get a pretty clear view of what may be going on.
Again, these are not full proof. There are many reasons your significant other may be acting in the ways above. The key is not to be too blind, and not to be too presumptuous.